January 10, 2020
I had ACLS training today and I am supposed to work after. I get up, drop Hudson off at the babysitter and go to work. My training starts and I am doing everything I can possibly to keep it together. I am just trying to focus, which was hard. ACLS is something we do all the time in the ER. CPR, shock, CPR, Epi, CPR, ect. No big deal. I know for a fact that I am starring off into the distance. But I am here.
I go down to the cafeteria to grab lunch real quick. Some of my close co-workers are down there. They ask me how I am feeling! Like genuinely wondering. Everyone has known that I have been sick and sick with the pregnancy. No one knows that I had a miscarriage. How do I tell people? “I’m feeling better!” I faked a smile.
After my class, I go down to the ER. I go into my manager's office. I look at her, “uh, I had a miscarriage. I just thought I would tell you. I am physically here. But if you notice a bit of a decline, I am sorry. I am not okay, but I am trying.”
“Is there anything that I can do for you?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
I go out and I work. Taking care of patients that have less going on with them then me.