• Megan Russell

December 21, 2019

That weekend, we had a wedding to go to. Wade’s cousin was getting married. I had bought a beautiful red dress to wear for this wedding. It’s the weekend before Christmas, I’ve been working out and losing weight, so I wanted to wear a classy little red dress.

The day of the wedding, I put the dress on. It still fits, but man, I am looking pregnant already. 5 weeks along and look disgusting. I couldn’t stop looking in the mirror in disgust. I was so bloated. It was totally obvious that I was pregnant. I mean, realistically speaking, no one else was going to notice, but I noticed. And it was tearing my apart. I wore a giant cardigan. I figured I could just wrap myself up with the cardigan and hide myself. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful. I made it through without vomiting. I was thrilled. We drive to the reception. And I had not been super excited. Everyone knows I like a good glass of wine. Well, I can’t drink wine! Tonya yelled that I was pregnant when I let Wade drink for his birthday the week before I even found out that I was pregnant with Hudson. His family is definitely going to find out. How horrible am I? I don’t want his family to know because I am not happy about it, and I don’t want to pretend to be happy about it. It's exhausting to sit there and lie and honestly I am exhausted. I’ve dragged a toddler around for family festivities through nap time and we were on the brink of a break down at any moment.

Things were going well. Wade’s immediate family is large. His parents, and his younger three siblings, plus me and him and Hudson. We filled a whole table. No one else was going to be close enough to notice that I am not drinking.

About 15 minutes into the reception, you know the part where everyone is casually talking, drinking, maybe snacking while waiting for the bridal party to show up, I had to leave mid conversation to run to the bathroom. I thought I had pulled it off pretty cool. I don’t think anyone noticed. They probably thought I had to go check on Hudson who is running around with his aunts at this point. I stand up after losing all the snacks I just ate in efforts to keep myself from vomiting. I gather myself, straighten my dress out, and make sure I don't look like Wade’s crazy wife, Megan, who drank too much before the reception and can’t handle her alcohol. Honestly, at this moment, I think I would have rather that been the case. I open the door from the bathroom stall and of course. Who is there? Oh you guessed it. Wade’s cousin Tonya, who is about 6 months pregnant with her first pregnancy and the one who swore up and down that I was pregnant before I knew I was pregnant with Hudson. “Great.” I thought to myself. I looked at her and smiled. Simply hoping she didn’t hear the last 5 minutes of me puking my guts out. I went to the sink, washed my hands and wiped off my face and went back out to the wedding.

At this point, I am already ready to go home, I am tired. I am sick and Hudson is almost too much to tolerate right now. Anyone with a toddler knows exactly what I mean. The ticking time bomb. The bridal party isn’t even here yet. Oh. My. Gosh. Please. Just get here. Let's get this party started with.

Finally they come in, all is beautiful. I am standing in the back corner holding Hudson while they are giving the speeches. I am so grateful for my husband at this moment. He knows to keep an on me. I am the most independent person in the world. I like to pretend that I am super mom. I can do this Little red dress, 3inch heels, and a tired toddler. I got this. Let’s just not even mention that I am miserable because this ball of cells is literally torturing me. Oh yeah, I named it, “ball of cells”. Because on my apps, you know how we have apps for literally everything, it asked me if I wanted to name it or give it a nickname. Normal people would put like, babe, little love, peanut? Idk. Me, I choose: ball of cells. Because this monster inside of me, it literally nothing but a freaking ball of cells at this time.

Back to the point. Wade looked at me. We made eye contact. He knew the look. He quickly and quietly got up to relieve me from the cranky toddler. He couldn’t have taken any longer though. I need to puke. I am standing there, starting to get sweaty. You know that horrible feeling, stomach is turning, face is sweaty, you get almost shaky. It is absolutely horrible. He FINALLY got there, which felt like years. I hand off the time bomb and run to the bathroom. The “I’m in heels and trying to look like a lady and not make scene because everyone needs to listen to the speeches and not notice me vomiting” run.

Let’s just say. Everyone looked at me. Everyone. My husband’s grandma, all his cousins and aunts. The bride. I’m pretty sure the best man paused his speech to watch me sprint to the bathroom. Once again, I got sick.

We made it through dinner. And by made it through dinner, I mean, we ate quickly and then left. We didn’t even make it to the dancing part. Which is literally my favorite part of weddings. I love to dance. I am not good at it, but I don’t care. I am there to have a great time. I’m the girl that hates having to pee during weddings because, “What if I miss a good song?”. My husband loves me, I promise. I’m a great embarrassment to the world, but he just embraces my embarrassment. We left the wedding. We used Hudson as the excuse, which was valid. It is bedtime, and we haven’t had a nap today. But really, I needed to go. Not too much embarrasses me. But I am embarrassed and tired and really just want to brush my teeth.

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